Tag Archives: change

february. two years time.

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Screen Shot 2014-02-24 at 7.32.34 AMTwo years ago – I was fired. In FEBRUARY. Some part of me is still shocked by that, but I’m grateful. Grateful that the end was a beginning, as it always is.

A shove, over the edge, to the right direction.

Even a year after being fired, I dreamt about my old job, the people I knew there, the work I believed in. I would wake from dreams feeling terrible about myself, feeling that somehow I had failed. Consciously I knew that it was all okay and that I was going to be fine, but that still small voice in me was afraid. Afraid. Afraid that I couldn’t make it on my own and that amount of fear means only one thing to me – that I am on the right track.

It was me who dodged the bullet. I got out early. Many people who worked for that company for many, many years have now been laid off, doors have been closed – an era has ended and they too have started over. Did any of that have anything to do with me?  Sometimes a moment in time – changes everything for everyone involved.

After all of that I kept my focus on the goal – work for myself – has to be awesome – work from home – has to be awesome – work is not life – has to be awesome.

Last year I started my own business – IN FEBRUARY. And then two weeks later, my dog Wonder died – IN FEBRUARY.

What is it about February?

This year I moved into a dream home. IN FEBRUARY. We found this amazing place to live. One we couldn’t have imagined, or maybe we did imagine all along. I walk around everyday thinking – who lives here? Oh, I do.

And if you had asked me two years ago, after being fired, or last year – after starting out on my own – Would I be here in this moment today?  The answer would have been YES and NO. Yes, because I’ve always worked hard, always thought I could do it even when others thought I couldn’t. I always imagined this. But no, because who comes from places like me and makes it? Someone once told me, sometimes you have to go first. So, here I am going first – or at least trying. First to tell you that you can do it too and that is not bullshit. No bullshit. You can do it. Whatever it is you want to do. You can do it.

You’re going to get knocked down, knocked back, but you can keep getting up. You can learn the skills to make, to do it, to change your life.

There is no time to stand still, change is inevitable. This year is going to be better than ever. Imagine it exactly as you want it. It might be as beautiful as that.

2014. LOVE

Where will you be next FEBRUARY? What can you do in two years? Where will you be two years from now? Do you need help getting there? ask! GO!

Drama

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The holidays are a perfect time to think about how drama works in my life.  Anytime is actually perfect, but especially the holidays.

I hear people say “The Holidays are stressful.” “My family drives me nuts.” “I feel obligated to do so many things.”

We have work parties, friend parties, family parties and other obligations to give and give of ourselves. It can be exhausting.

It doesn’t have to be though.

We choose to participate. If we don’t like seeing our family over the holidays or being overbooked, why do we do it? Why do we say yes? Obligation?

Why are we so focused on gifts and buying and doing around the holidays? Can’t we spread it out a little over the year? If the holidays are about the spirit of being thankful and for giving and maybe forgiving, can’t we be thankful and give to ourselves and forgive ourselves a little for being human and not being able to go the extra mile every single time?

There is not enough time in the world to participate in all the drama we could. There is enough time to say no. To take care of yourself first. During a plane crash, no one says run around and put everyone else’s oxygen mask on first, they say – stay calm, put yours on and then help others.

We choose to have time for drama and stating the negative about what’s happening in our lives. We give little or no time on getting clear on what we want to do and what we don’t want to do.

What if we could do what we want to do, without obligation?

Drama is a choice.

If your Mother drives you crazy but deep down you really do enjoy spending time with her. Stop complaining, accept her for who she is, learn to set boundaries and keep them. And maybe, just maybe it will feel less stressful. If your Father, brother, sister, friends, coworkers are making you feel pressured, we can choose something different.

But she’s MY MOTHER!/Sister/Colleague/Best Friend – you might say. She’s also a grown woman. Sometimes we forget that.

One of the reasons we choose to stay in the drama is – it’s easier. It’s easier to grumble along being a little unhappy, or really unhappy, because it’s hard to have the conversation that you’re not happy and that you’d like things to change. We don’t give ourselves credit for wanting it enough to change it. We’re scared of what might change, who might get angry and most of all how we might have to change.

I used think and this is embarrassing to admit – that if someone I cared about asked me to do something, I had to do it.  I really believed that.  I had to learn how to say no and not feel guilty. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary for me.

Eleven months ago – I decided making a New Year’s Resolution was not enough and that I needed to create a New Year’s Revolution. It’s been a good, but scary ride.  Change and choices are not always easy. I’m not always where I want to be. I don’t always know what to do, but I’ll keep trying to figure it out.  Sometimes the hard part is knowing what to do when you’re on the other side of whatever was causing you drama, the exciting part is knowing you can do it.

What drama are you letting go this holiday season?

Re_frame

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I’m halfway to my goal.

I’m eight months in and only halfway.

I have 4 more months to post another 51 writing sessions.

Nothing like a deadline to get me going.

I’ve been aggravated lately, something seems to be off in my life and I can’t figure out the exact WHY or WHAT of it, but it’s there. A general down-ness, maybe it’s the end of summer and the beginning of fall and winter. The time to turn in, hibernate, not be so out and about. Maybe that’s what it is. Or maybe it’s something else, maybe I’m not where I want to be in life and then I say – AM I EVER?

In any case, I want to find a way to re_frame it.  Not that I want to avoid what’s going on, but to put a perspective on it that doesn’t suck. That’s the part of working through it for me. Recognizing that I’m in a funk and not fighting to get out of it but being more understanding of it.

That’s what it takes for me to figure things out. ACTION and non-ACTION. Both.

ACTION – think about why I am in the space I am. ACTION – believe I can change it. non-ACTION – don’t do anything until I’m clear, don’t be reactive, or rash. ACTION – settle into and think about how I’d like it to be. non-ACTION – let it unfold. It’s a challenge to stay with it. It’s a challenge to not ACT and yet be ACTING.

So today – I’m re-framing it. Rethinking what everything is about and eventually, I’m going to make a change. I’m not sure what it is, but it will come when it’s ready. Sometimes the change will come when someone else makes a decision and it impacts me, sometimes I have to decide.

I’ll keep deciding what feels right and what doesn’t, what should stay and what should go. Not making decisions right away, but to watch and think on it.

When it’s time – I will cut – as Marion Woodman says – with a sword of discretion. A sword unlike a knife produces an immediate cutting away. Cutting away that which doesn’t bring more to my life.

It takes courage to realize that something isn’t right and to work to change it. It may take all the strength I have to make that cut, but once I’ve cut, I can move on. I can be more alive.

It’s easier to have someone else decide sometimes, but when I choose, the cut is swift and then the door is closed.

What’s getting in the way of what I want? What’s getting in the way of writing? What’s getting in the way?  That’s what needs to be cut.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel never really ends, I just go toward the next light.

What’s getting in the way of what you want?

working it.

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For the first time in my life I work with sixty four other people – In the same office. I’ve been a part of large and small organizations and sometimes even felt like a contractor in my last job when I was an office of ONE. But I’ve never worked in an office with this many people.

In an office of 65, you don’t have to like everyone, work with everyone, or even talk to everyone. It’s foreign, compared to the smaller places I’ve worked where you kind of have to find a way to deal with everyone’s crazy.  I mean we’re all crazy – right? It’s a matter of whether my crazy works with your crazy or not.

What this new office has made me think about is what makes a good company? What makes people want to come to work everyday, what makes people positive instead of negative?

So far, I’ve realized, nice is better than cool – considerate is better than cool – organized and trying to be a better collective organization is better than fighting the world for the ideas of one influential leader.  The opposite of patriarchy is good. Positivity is good when it’s real.

Smart people doing good work together is cool.

These things seem obvious, but why are so many organizations dysfunctional then?

In a world where we are so conscious about service, why do we sometimes choose to work in environments that are less than employee-centric? Aren’t we the internal customers of the companies we work with?

Maybe a better way of saying that is – isn’t there something in it for the company you work for if you get better at your job and become a better human being? I think there is.

Working for a company that so far embraces me for who I am and what I bring to the table and allows me to play to my strengths is where I believe the future of successful businesses is going. It makes such good sense that I find myself mistrusting it every day, I keep thinking, this can’t be real. But so far – it is.

Employer got you down? They most likely aren’t going to change unless you do. Nothing is static, everything changes, start with yourself – it’s the only real control you have.

In any good relationship as you change so does your partner, you communicate, you talk about change. If you’ve changed and your work/boss/environment hasn’t or can’t come along with you, maybe it’s time to find a new place to work. As painful as that can be, it’s worth it, you’re worth it.

If you’re a business, you might want to think about how you treat people, how you engage with them, how you influence them, or stifle them. Are you thinking only about what you’d like? Or are you asking the tough questions about what the people who work with you actually want?

The world is changing to be more inclusive will you keep up with that change?

For_BeingBroken

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Sometimes something happens in life that breaks you wide open. It usually has to do with LOVE or a RELATIONSHIP. Cracked down the middle. Something beautiful happens on the other side of this breaking, but in the moment it’s a brick wall pushing you up against realization, your choice – break open or break down.

When we enter relationship with our work, another person, our family – we sell each other a message of who we are. When the other person, all of a sudden, doesn’t live up to that, or changes, we’re upset by it. What we’re not thinking about, is that it’s not only on them to communicate what’s going on, it’s on us to be paying attention. Sometimes we choose not to, because it might be painful, or we don’t want to change, but whether we want it or not, change is going to happen.

Relationships when they break or change, leave you – alone. One side goes away thinking, did I make the right choice? and the other one goes away rejected.

This is the place –  the point – where one, or both of you, can be broken open.

Breaking open – to be forever changed in a meaningful way. To learn something and integrate it into your life.

Breaking down – bitter, angry, vindictive, victimized.  While feeling those emotions is good, holding onto them doesn’t bring change.

Breaking open can transform those emotions into something more meaningful – love, compassion, understanding of yourself and maybe even the world.

When breaking open, you take part of the responsibility of coming to the table with an open mind and heart, not only about them, but about yourself. You are engaged and notice where they are changing and where you are changing and decide if you want to work together, to stay – to create a meaningful relationship, or not.

If you’re not in a relationship where this can happen or it’s already ended, it’s your opportunity to have this dialogue with yourself and decide what is right for you and to bring that to your own table.

The world is changing rapidly, in realtime, due to social media, and this change signals that it’s time for all of us to begin having more meaningful conversations and to stop waiting for the other person/people to join in or catch up or become the person you want them to be.

Whether you choose to stay or to go, quit or not, discuss or not – open your mind and heart to whatever you choose and live it, breathe it, feel it, let it transform you. It doesn’t matter if it ends, changes, stays the same, you have the power to make it more meaningful. 

Break open or break down? 

For_Change

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I was reading Seth’s Godin’s writing session, Extending the Narrative this morning and it spurred a question in me.

Everyday, for me, right now is a new beginning. It’s an exciting and also horrifying time. Who wants a new beginning EVERY day? Do I? I DO!

The bottom line of his dialogue for me is this:

“The truth though, is that doing what you’ve been doing is going to get you what you’ve been getting.”   “Is this a reflex that’s part of my long-told story, or is this actually a good decision?”

It’s exactly what I was talking about the other day in my session “For Safety”

I want something different, not more of the same, so I have to change, what do I need to change? I’m not sure yet. That’s going to come in time. Am I willing to dig deep to figure it out? I hope so – wait, that’s more of the same – Yes! I am!

Changing yourself, changing your mind, changing what you want in life – is it such a bad thing if it happens more often than not?  I’ve been told all my life that you can’t change this or that, it’s just how it is. But what if you can? and What if you did? Scary, right?

I used to get an expensive haircut, it was important to me. I love my hair stylist and loved how I looked when I came out of there. I always thought that I’d never go to another salon, but when I started to change my mind about things and wants and needs, my haircut didn’t matter as much as having more money in my pocket. My story was, if I pay a lot for this haircut, I’ll look and feel better, now that I’m not paying as much, I realize, it wasn’t true. 

What if it’s all an illusion, all a story we tell ourselves. What if you don’t really need that latte everyday, that next level of education, that new tech gadget, or that <insert whatever it is for you> to be who you are in the world?

What if you can change the world? Your world.

Spring is here, it’s time to push forward with new energy.  

Change? Evolve? Or Stay the Same??