I’m halfway to my goal.

I’m eight months in and only halfway.

I have 4 more months to post another 51 writing sessions.

Nothing like a deadline to get me going.

I’ve been aggravated lately, something seems to be off in my life and I can’t figure out the exact WHY or WHAT of it, but it’s there. A general down-ness, maybe it’s the end of summer and the beginning of fall and winter. The time to turn in, hibernate, not be so out and about. Maybe that’s what it is. Or maybe it’s something else, maybe I’m not where I want to be in life and then I say – AM I EVER?

In any case, I want to find a way to re_frame it.  Not that I want to avoid what’s going on, but to put a perspective on it that doesn’t suck. That’s the part of working through it for me. Recognizing that I’m in a funk and not fighting to get out of it but being more understanding of it.

That’s what it takes for me to figure things out. ACTION and non-ACTION. Both.

ACTION – think about why I am in the space I am. ACTION – believe I can change it. non-ACTION – don’t do anything until I’m clear, don’t be reactive, or rash. ACTION – settle into and think about how I’d like it to be. non-ACTION – let it unfold. It’s a challenge to stay with it. It’s a challenge to not ACT and yet be ACTING.

So today – I’m re-framing it. Rethinking what everything is about and eventually, I’m going to make a change. I’m not sure what it is, but it will come when it’s ready. Sometimes the change will come when someone else makes a decision and it impacts me, sometimes I have to decide.

I’ll keep deciding what feels right and what doesn’t, what should stay and what should go. Not making decisions right away, but to watch and think on it.

When it’s time – I will cut – as Marion Woodman says – with a sword of discretion. A sword unlike a knife produces an immediate cutting away. Cutting away that which doesn’t bring more to my life.

It takes courage to realize that something isn’t right and to work to change it. It may take all the strength I have to make that cut, but once I’ve cut, I can move on. I can be more alive.

It’s easier to have someone else decide sometimes, but when I choose, the cut is swift and then the door is closed.

What’s getting in the way of what I want? What’s getting in the way of writing? What’s getting in the way?  That’s what needs to be cut.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel never really ends, I just go toward the next light.

What’s getting in the way of what you want?

Design – DeSigN

We love beautiful things.

Even if we have never seen a beautifully designed product, the first time we do, we know it. We know we’ve seen something different.

The problem with the mainstreaming of good design, we’ve allowed some things to become mediocre without question – but with sincere and apologetic acceptance.

Yesterday, I received an email from someone I admire and who has amazing design sense. At the bottom of the email after the signature was: Sent from my IPhone. Please excuse typos.

This is what we’ve become. We’ve coveted a device that allows us to make typing and typos “acceptable”, because we’ve typed them on a supercool beautifully designed piece of hardware.

I was in a heated debate about an approach on a project via email, which was likely a bad idea in the first place, but in any case, there I was.

I responded quickly to an email and was so confident in myself that I hit send without re-reading. Fail.

My email which was supposed to say something to the effect of: I get what you are saying, the strategy we are proposing is one that will move us forward for the next few months, even years, instead of the next few weeks.

INSTEAD: my email read:

I get what you are saying, KoBe Beef we are proposing is one that will movement to forward….blah blah blah, other typos and missed words.

iPhone didn’t create typos for me, it helped me not take the time to read my own email, it allowed me to sound – ridiculous, not engaged, not paying attention to details.  No one thought I meant to put Kobe beef in the middle of the sentence, however they couldn’t even decipher what I meant. It was a failure.

If I had taken the extra moment to read the email again, I would have never hit send.

iPhone has made us lazy, lazy about communication, hiTECH, with low brain activity. iPhone and email in general have taken us away from true communications with other people. It allows us to not be clear, not explain ourselves and assume the other person will figure it out.

Good design shouldn’t create new problems that we accept and add notes “sent from my iPhone, please excuse typos.” Good design should inspire us to create something new for ourselves. To think.

Pause – think – relate – pause – reread. SEND. design.

“Posted from my iPhone and I took the time to read it twice before hitting send. Because I care.”

Self Sabotage

I’m re-posting this as a note to myself to remember self sabotage – it’s at work again with me right this very minute.

We all do it.

It’s the cookie, that extra drink, the extra twenty dollars we threw away on something meaningless, the weight we didn’t lose, the cigarettes we didn’t stop smoking, the unwritten lines, the unpainted canvas, the thing we wanted to do that we didn’t do because something got in the way.

Self Sabotage.

Sometimes things do get in the way and that’s legitimate and reasonable, but I often look back on things and think – oh man – I did that to myself, things didn’t just get in the way.

Self sabotage is our way of letting ourselves off the hook for something we want but at the same time fear might come true. We don’t usually recognize the fear part of it, we think we want it, but there is a part of us that is saying no way, you can’t have that, you aren’t good enough, smart enough – insert any “you aren’t xxx” here.

Self sabotage is our quickest way out – it’s our way off the ledge.

It’s the easiest way to get out of doing what you want to do. Sometimes we hold ourselves back or blame other people for getting in the way of our dreams, but if everything in life is a choice, then we can say yes or no. There is not one thing we must say yes to. Self sabotage is our way of getting out of things we’ve said yes to that we don’t want to be doing or the things that scare us, the things we want to say yes to, but for some reason cannot. It’s as if we can’t really stand up and make the choice, so instead we get ourselves there in another way. We sabotage ourselves into it.

For me it’s finishing some writing work. Excuses. Excuses. EXCUSES. I write and write, but I labor over the finishing. Self sabotage. STOP.

No more laboring, just keep going. Decide if it’s what you really want and then GO! Don’t give up, don’t sabotage yourself into giving up, no excuses. Go to the end and then decide.

You’ll be happy you did.