Monthly Archives: May 2013

the day you think you are desperate

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2900736320_efec4ccf78_oThe day you think you are desperate – think about the day in the future that you will be more desperate. You never think it could be worse, but I’m telling you from experience it can. What could be worse? What could be better? When were you desperate before? Are you in the same place or a different place? Are you desperate about the same thing?

Desperation is not easy. It’s as if the world is going to end, even though you know it is not going to end. Lonely, bored, sad and afraid of what comes next. Desperation.

Desperate – having lost hope.

And hope is ridiculous.

I was reading Danielle LaPorte the other day and sometimes, she hits it just right – Replace “hope” with action words, reality words, intentional, faith-bounding, wide-open, change-agent hero words..

Losing hope is brilliant.

I hope someone saves me.
Not going to happen – I’ll soon resent them for saving me and end up right where I started.

I hope, I hope, I hope. Don’t hope, achieve, reward, do, go get, be it, breathe it. You are your own hope. Your hoping is hold in you back.

Desperate times often deserve desperate measures of change. Cut it off, set it on fire, let it loose.

Wake UP. Look out at your life, what’s making you happy? what’s not making you happy? Do something. Don’t wait. Don’t hope. Start now.

Shame

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3310992624_4e6d8ec606_bShame.

Shame on you.

Consciousness of guilt, impropriety, shortcoming. Something to be regretted.

Shame.

It’s what makes you pause. stop. stall.

Moving through shame is moving through mud, the thick stuff in a swamp. Shame is internal. No one feels your shame, just you.

What if whatever made us feel shame, we named it. Shouted out. Some might say that’s inappropriate. I’d say we don’t have to give details, just say it. I got a DUI. I live with my parents. I let my friends down. I cheated on someone. I was a bad parent. I have a gambling problem. I didn’t pay attention to my partner and they’ve left me. I am poor. I’m a sexual deviant. Whatever your shame is. Name it. Work with it. Change it. Forgive yourself first. We all have our story, our own shame.

I’ve written about vulnerability before and the need for expanding consciousness about our own issues so that collectively we might heal ourselves. Shame is the same way. It’s the bitter taste in your mouth. And yet, saying it makes it real, makes you face it and that is where shame meets vulnerability and the two do not want to talk. Naming your shame can be freeing, but mostly – we don’t want to be free. We like feeling this way and that’s why we stay here with shame.

Shame. No one else likely sees it the same way or maybe they do, but the only way out of shame is through. Open up the conversation, which might be a tough conversation to have, but dig deeper, admit it, talk about it.

Shame can suck it.

On the other side of shame is respect.

GO!

YOU

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2781942861_d83cc52858_oI’m apologizing to myself today and to many people I’ve worked with over the years.

I have to say I’m sorry. I probably didn’t treat you the way you wanted to be treated or manage you in a way that was helpful to you.

My expectations were too high, my style was too much, my patience was too thin. I expected you to show up and get IT done.

I set the bar high when it comes to performance. Whether it’s people, sport, you name it. I show up and deliver my best whenever I can and I expect that other people will do the same thing.

I want to work with the best people, who are full of passion and who care enough to do their greatest work as often as possible. The people who leave it all out there, every time they hit the field or office.

I find it IMPOSSIBLE, to work with people who have no inspiration, no passion, who fly below the radar, who half-ass it, whose best is mediocre.

In every organization I’ve worked there’s always been one or two who I’ll call “YOU”. And what I realize – wherever I go there will always, always be another “YOU”. The YOU without fire, the YOU who is okay with mediocrity, the YOU who doesn’t think there is time to do it right but doesn’t mind doing it over. The YOU who is too fearful, nervous, or small to live up to you own big-ness, the YOU who settles for less than.

I also realized that was not YOU at all – it was me. I’m the one who was going about this the wrong way. I’m not okay with “YOU”. Maybe that makes me a jerk, a neanderthal, an ass, or makes my expectations unrealistic, or maybe, just maybe, it makes me different. Not better, different. We don’t have the same values.

I’ve thought over the years and sometimes have been coached that I should learn how to work with “YOU”. That I should tolerate “YOU”, since there will always be another “YOU” and then I turned a corner and realized, that’s no way to live or work. That’s not me. That’s not how I do it. The time when mediocre is acceptable needs to be over now. It’s what’s wrong. Why we can’t get ahead. Mediocrity sucks.

My thought is if you are in a job where you can only perform at a mediocre level, find a new one, get better, do it! Find what you really want and do it!

GO!