Tag Archives: illusion

For_BeingBroken

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Sometimes something happens in life that breaks you wide open. It usually has to do with LOVE or a RELATIONSHIP. Cracked down the middle. Something beautiful happens on the other side of this breaking, but in the moment it’s a brick wall pushing you up against realization, your choice – break open or break down.

When we enter relationship with our work, another person, our family – we sell each other a message of who we are. When the other person, all of a sudden, doesn’t live up to that, or changes, we’re upset by it. What we’re not thinking about, is that it’s not only on them to communicate what’s going on, it’s on us to be paying attention. Sometimes we choose not to, because it might be painful, or we don’t want to change, but whether we want it or not, change is going to happen.

Relationships when they break or change, leave you – alone. One side goes away thinking, did I make the right choice? and the other one goes away rejected.

This is the place –  the point – where one, or both of you, can be broken open.

Breaking open – to be forever changed in a meaningful way. To learn something and integrate it into your life.

Breaking down – bitter, angry, vindictive, victimized.  While feeling those emotions is good, holding onto them doesn’t bring change.

Breaking open can transform those emotions into something more meaningful – love, compassion, understanding of yourself and maybe even the world.

When breaking open, you take part of the responsibility of coming to the table with an open mind and heart, not only about them, but about yourself. You are engaged and notice where they are changing and where you are changing and decide if you want to work together, to stay – to create a meaningful relationship, or not.

If you’re not in a relationship where this can happen or it’s already ended, it’s your opportunity to have this dialogue with yourself and decide what is right for you and to bring that to your own table.

The world is changing rapidly, in realtime, due to social media, and this change signals that it’s time for all of us to begin having more meaningful conversations and to stop waiting for the other person/people to join in or catch up or become the person you want them to be.

Whether you choose to stay or to go, quit or not, discuss or not – open your mind and heart to whatever you choose and live it, breathe it, feel it, let it transform you. It doesn’t matter if it ends, changes, stays the same, you have the power to make it more meaningful. 

Break open or break down? 

For_Change

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I was reading Seth’s Godin’s writing session, Extending the Narrative this morning and it spurred a question in me.

Everyday, for me, right now is a new beginning. It’s an exciting and also horrifying time. Who wants a new beginning EVERY day? Do I? I DO!

The bottom line of his dialogue for me is this:

“The truth though, is that doing what you’ve been doing is going to get you what you’ve been getting.”   “Is this a reflex that’s part of my long-told story, or is this actually a good decision?”

It’s exactly what I was talking about the other day in my session “For Safety”

I want something different, not more of the same, so I have to change, what do I need to change? I’m not sure yet. That’s going to come in time. Am I willing to dig deep to figure it out? I hope so – wait, that’s more of the same – Yes! I am!

Changing yourself, changing your mind, changing what you want in life – is it such a bad thing if it happens more often than not?  I’ve been told all my life that you can’t change this or that, it’s just how it is. But what if you can? and What if you did? Scary, right?

I used to get an expensive haircut, it was important to me. I love my hair stylist and loved how I looked when I came out of there. I always thought that I’d never go to another salon, but when I started to change my mind about things and wants and needs, my haircut didn’t matter as much as having more money in my pocket. My story was, if I pay a lot for this haircut, I’ll look and feel better, now that I’m not paying as much, I realize, it wasn’t true. 

What if it’s all an illusion, all a story we tell ourselves. What if you don’t really need that latte everyday, that next level of education, that new tech gadget, or that <insert whatever it is for you> to be who you are in the world?

What if you can change the world? Your world.

Spring is here, it’s time to push forward with new energy.  

Change? Evolve? Or Stay the Same??

For_Safety

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Whenever beginning a new journey, feeling out of sorts, not sure of where I’m going, or that I’m not enough – I begin to stock up. In my mind, MORE = SAFETY. 

It is not only about food – toilet paper, paper towels, emotions – they all fall in the same category.

I know, rationally, that I don’t need things in large quantities to make me feel safe. But there’s a part of me that wants that – however unnecessary it might be. My psyche wants to feel safe and this is how it knows how.

I have learned to watch patiently as I go through what I must go through, but I also have the ability to coach myself and remind myself of what’s important to me and how different my life is at this point in time compared to how it used to be. What’s now is not what was then.

Coming from poverty, we didn’t always have enough – money, food, light, electricity, hot water, love – I understand that this is what I’m feeling when I feel out of sorts. Rationally, I know I’m going to be fine, I’ve always been fine. But my pure animal instincts* do not understand that I am going to be fine.  So in my case I stock up. I get ready for the other shoe to drop, for the lights to go out, or the barn to burn down.

I used to think if I had a house, money in the bank, and a decent car, I’d feel safe.  It was always the struggle to get them.  Then when I had those things – what? – nothing had changed. I still didn’t feel safe. I had to go deeper to find what I really needed and that was to know myself a bit better, to understand what I was doing when I was stocking up and how there might not be the same need now.

A life truly lived constantly burns away veils of illusion, burns away what is no longer relevant, reveals our essence, until, at last, we are strong enough to stand in our naked truth ~ Marion Woodman

By going deeper, asking myself what it really takes for me to feel safe, I’ve learned safety is something I carry with me, inside me.  I had to drop the illusion that more was making me safe.  I don’t need anything else to make me feel safe but me.
Me = Safe.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that if I need to stock up, I will. I’m not denying myself the right to feel safe, only questioning my own motives about what safety means. Old habits and the old stories we tell ourselves die hard.

Be easy on yourself when you need to, but there is something powerful in asking the question – What illusions are holding you back from truly living?

What makes you feel safe?  What old stories are you telling yourself?

*animal instincts reference from Peter Levine’s – Waking the Tiger