Years ago, I used to say “That’s not fair” whenever things didn’t go as I thought they should.
One day some said to me “Amy, whoever told you that life was fair?”
It’s not fair. But that doesn’t matter.
Fair means no one let’s you down – ever. Fair sets you up to believe you deserve better – always. Fair sets you up for unrealistic expectations. Fair means we have no emotions and no psychological issues. Fair means if you don’t get what you want you give up.
Reality is – well – REAL.
You can be disappointed and that sometimes isn’t fair, but it is real. Instead of thinking about an outcome, I try to think about how I want things to be. Instead of imaging a rigid rule to live by – I think what kind of flexibility can build into my thoughts about fairness?
I recently really, really wanted this new house we saw. We put an offer in and all these signs were pointing in the YES direction. Guess what? That sale failed. So…what did we do? We looked again and found an even better house for less money. WHA? We could have moped around – which we did for a bit and we were totally pissed at first, but I kept saying, let’s think about what we want our new house to be like and feel like instead of dwelling on the house that was never going to be and magically – or not so magically – a better house appeared.
It’s not fair that someone bumped our very good offer, but it is real and so is the new house we’re moving into.
It’s less about getting lemons and making lemonade and more about imagining lemonade the whole time. If you’re thinking about lemonade – when you get lemons, you’ll know exactly what to do. GO!