For one week I’ve worked for myself – can i really do this? – jitters, my dog nearly died, the computer nearly died and it’s Mercury Retrograde.
With all of that going on I’m happy and sad. Revolution is not easy. Which made me think of David Whyte’s poem – Revelation must be terrible
And the last line of the poem pays it off:
revelation must be terrible
knowing you can
never hide your voice again.
GULP. It’s true – arriving where you are supposed to be and where you long to be is never what you expect. Although I wasn’t truly setting myself up with an expectation of how this all would happen, I trusted that it would. I would like to feel more settled, but I don’t, so I’m just going to go with it.
I’m reading True Refuge by Tara Brach, it’s definitely a woo-woo kind of book that 10 years ago I would have read in secret and never mentioned out loud, but I get it now, it’s good to find something that helps even if it sounds stupid to someone else. Maybe that’s what being over 40 taught me – I don’t worry what other people think about these things. Anyway, Tara Brach reminds me to stay in the present. She also recommends meditation, which I read, but don’t really practice, so that’s pretty half-ass, but it’s a start.
Tara Brach, David Whyte, the love for my dog, understanding that Mercury retrograde will always be a challenging time – it’s what keeps me in the present and out of worrying.
What tools do you have that keep you in the present moment?
Revelation is an act of courage. Some years ago, Tara Brach saved my life – her book Radical Acceptance guided me to the practice of mindfulness meditation during a time of great loss. I’ve strayed from my practice over the past few years just recently finding my way back. Your reference to David Whyte’s poem is so very true.
Thanks. Yes, grief always drives me back to Tara Brach and I loved Radical Acceptance too.
I was so excited to hear that you made the move to work for yourself. I’m sure it’s terrifying, but you’ll be terrific at it _ just as you are at everything you put your mind to.
It was so great to see your name. Really! Thank you so much for the kind words. I also love that both the words you use terrifying and terrific – have their root in terror! As I always say, I know I’m on the right track when I’m about to throw up.
Yes, Amy. This is where I am, in the moment, that terrible wonderful time when telling the truth is the only way and it is still entirely up to me. No one is going to save me and I want to indulge in the emotion of fear but to do that would exchange opportunity for drowning and I want to; no.
I CHOOSE to breathe.
Yes. Breathe. Thanks Cindy – I’m staying with it. The wonderful thing about it is that I haven’t said a single time – oh no – what have I done. It’s more like – yes, and yes.
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