This morning I got up was thinking I didn’t want to go to the gym – was mopey about some things and while driving the car to the Max station I ran over something, a medium sized animal of some sort. A gasp fell out of my mouth, uncontrollable sobs and sniffling came next. Through the side mirror, I saw whatever it was run away, it didn’t look hurt, but I just hit it.
Should I stop? Should I get out and see if it’s okay? There is traffic behind me. I can’t stop crying – there is no way I can go look. Instead I pull to the side of the road and cry for a minute and try not to think of the thud and the crunching sound. My heart hurts.
The things that make us stop are the places I like to pay special attention.
Life is interesting that way, the moment you think you’ve got it, you’re good, yep this is it. You run over some small furry animal and it makes you take a longer look at things.
It’s almost the end of another year and a good time to pause, a good time to let my heart hurt if it does and to let myself breathe.
Sometimes breathing is difficult.
I can’t get enough air in between the must do, must have, must think about, must provide clarification, must get better at.
I can’t breathe.
So, today – I’m breathing, that’s the goal for today, just keep breathing. No need to do anything else. I’ll think about the future tomorrow, I’ll make goals and plans when I’m finished with pausing.
I hope that little furry guy is okay.